Fear

Dear Fear,


I know you are real. I feel you every time a cop car pulls up behind me. I feel you when sirens sound and my son isn’t home from school. You rumble my chest when my son talks of making his inventions. Pride and fear jumble together at his genius. Pride in his brilliance. Fear that no one will see it under his melanin-tinted skin. I fear for my daughter. She loves herself to the point of pride, skirting vanity. I fear the former would be stolen or the latter will come to pass. I fear someone will take her pride in her body for granted. I fear her beauty will hide her brilliance and no one will try to educate her because she’s “pretty enough to get what she wants.” I fear for my husband’s calm and what being the minority in his own family is doing to him. I fear that his justified fears will plague and overwhelm him. I live with fear. I do not want to live IN fear.

May 2020

I want fear to be a superpower. I know there are people that know how to do this. I know fear is where most anxiety comes from. Where MY anxiety comes from. I’ve shaken off many fears and learned to classify others. It helps me with my anxiety to know forms where my fears stem. Once I find the source, I can fuel myself with knowledge that this is a natural path and there is a natural solution.

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